July 4th is a day of fireworks, celebrating with friends and family and fun. We celebrate our "independence" or our "freedom" right? Beautiful in theory, isn't it? Since I very first heard it, I think every year on this day of Martina McBride's empowering song "Independence Day". I adore the song in general, not for just one of the single-most powerful and beautiful voices belting out the chorus, but also for its story and message. The song's context is set around the 4th of July, but it's actually about an abusive household, an abused little girl, and what the mother did when she'd had enough. It's about their Independence Day from that situation.The chorus goes:
Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing.
Let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning.
Let the weak be strong. Let the right be wrong.
Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay.
It's Independence Day.
On this day of "Independence", I am not feeling very that celebratory. Today I question our "freedom" more than ever. When so many remain horridly oppressed and more are now being targeted for no reason than that someone can, no one is free. None of us are free when any one of us in our coutry feels afraid, threatened or discriminated against because they are different. And too many of us are feeling that more than ever now. What is happening now is showing us we have not learned a thing from history. As they say, THE PAST IS PRESENT. Those in power have told us it is OK to be prejudiced, act in accordance with that prejudice and ultimately act violently because of that prejudice. They've made it so that my friends suddenly need to worry about speaking up or supporting an LGBTQI+ post about something as sweet as an inclusive retirement community for fear of losing their government-affiliated job. This is all insane.
In this moment, I guess one "good thing" did actually come from losing my career as a neuro-psychologist due to Multiple Sclerosis. I don't have to go back into a closet for fear of losing families who may suddenly believe I could be a predator to their vulnerable children. I don't have anything left to lose on that front, so no fear. I mean I didn't have that much fear in early 2000's when I saw a lot of clients referred to me by a a large Christian School. But because I was working with them so much and had become close to the person in charge of their specialized education efforts (rather amazing and unique for a private school), I felt very inauthentic not revealing who I really was (and loved). While she knew me quite well, I wasn't fully being myself because of the fear of suddenly not having any referrals from them (and they were supplying a large percentage at that early stage). But I had to tell her. I did it knowing that it could spell catastrophe in really getting my practice secure and respected in the city. I was terrified because my experience growing up in a Christian School was only one of prejudice and discrimination against anyone different. And being gay was not remotely a possibility for a Christian and would only send you straight to hell. I would have given my life to save some of those children I worked with. But I know for certain that permission has been given on a national level to make some of us "other" again: and thus, a danger who must be controlled.
Fortunately, after my director friend at the school talked to the principal, board of directors etc... (which I had no idea she was going to really need to do after my confessional email to her....and I then spent a number of nights pacing and muttering "what have I done? What have I done?") , they decided to continue supporting me and even doubled down on their support by having me come come train some of their teachers on understanding IQ testing, reading results, learning disorders, etc..etc... But I think I got really lucky at the time. I remember asking her how is it possible this happened and everyone is OK with me continuing to work with the school? She told me that she did have to pray about it a lot before even talking to the others in power. But she said it came down to asking herself what if her own daughter told her the same thing? What would win out? Her love for the person or a label that she'd been told somewhere in the past that meant someone was bad? She said it was because she knew who I was and how I was helping them. So, she sold her way of seeing things to the board.
I just wonder now with whoever is in charge of handling things like she did in one of the largest private schools in Atlanta, is it worse? 20 years later is it worse? Whether it is race, religion, sexual identity, or a myriad of other things that make us different, the fact is prejudice and discrimination is about one single thing: power. It is about maintaining power in a "traditional" way. Just like the father who maintained power by abuse in the song "Independence Day", people will often do whatever it takes to maintain power if they have either enough strength, money, or support to do so. We don't have to help this by allowing fear to govern our choices. Keep letting "freedom ring" and righting wrongs however we can safely. Take our independence by choices we make every second. This year, make Independence Day about whatever you want and celebrate that. And to those of us who know the fear and feel the threats for any reason, I stand with you and believe in you. Stay strong and know you are not alone. We are stronger together always
